Swing Life Away
by DDH1215
Summary: This story starts after the war in Mockingjay, when Katniss & Peeta return to District 12. It is the story of how they got through all that had happened, and how Katniss realized her true feelings for Peeta. It is partially a song fic - Swing Life Away by Rise Against. Some things may differ from the actual Mockingjay ending but only because I can't recall all the details :-
1. Getting More Lost

**Swing Life Away – Chapter 1 **

"_Am I loud & clear, or am I breaking up? Am I still your charm, or am I just bad luck? Are we getting closer, or are we just getting more lost?"_

The frozen dirt crunched softly beneath my bare feet. I hadn't had the wherewithal, to put on shoes. I was only going a few hundred meters, anyhow, and the only thought I had was that I needed to escape.

The ice-cold air burned my lungs with each inhale, and the tears that had been streaming down my cheeks only minutes earlier seemed to freeze the moment I stepped outside. Luckily, there was no snow on the ground just yet.

I reached the blue doorway quickly. There was no hesitation. The house was dark, but I knew the door wouldn't be locked. I swung it open, my lungs gasping for a breath of warm air as soon as I entered the foyer. I pulled my thin cardigan tighter around my shoulders, trying to shut out the cold as I shut the door quietly behind me. I padded up the stairs and turned right down the long hallway, towards the last door on the left.

It was slightly ajar, and I stepped into the dark room. I could see the moonlight streaming in through the curtain-less windows.

"Hey," he whispered softly. I could tell he hadn't been sleeping, either.

"Hi," I said, tentatively. I always became suddenly nervous when I saw him. He reached out to me in the darkness, and the moonlight caught the palm of his hand. I walked over slowly, shedding my cardigan to the floor, my own hand outstretched to take his as soon as it could.

He pulled me down next to him, wrapping his arms and the blanket around me simultaneously.

"You're frozen," he whispered, his warm breath sending chills up the back of my spine.

I didn't respond. There was no need to. I inhaled sharply, the tears still threatening to spill from my eyes in hideous sobs.

"Shhhh," he whispered, his lips landing softly behind my left ear. "Get some rest."

I could tell it was late when I finally stirred the next morning. The sun was streaming through the windows and warmed my skin pleasantly. I sighed softly, turning over, hoping for just a few more minutes of fleeting rest. The sheets next to me were cool. He had been up for some time, no doubt.

I stretched, and sat up, my feet hitting the cool hardwood with a thud. I treaded lightly across the room, pulling a sweater out of the closet and wrapping it around my upper body. I wandered down the stairs, into the kitchen, a full pot of coffee and freshly baked pastries waiting for me. I sat down and ate slowly, the hot coffee warming me from the inside out.

_Where was he?_ I wondered. Although I wasn't proud of it, I'd found myself making my way over here nearly every night. And every morning, Peeta was waiting for me in the kitchen when I woke up. His questions were always tentative and reserved, as though if he pried too much I would crumble. I, of course, was too proud & stubborn to just let myself stay here to begin with. It always took the shattering nightmares and cold sweats to drive me out of my own victors' house to Peeta's - or ours, as he liked to call it. I wasn't there just yet.

I heard the door to the front porch swing open.

"Good morning," he said, placing a paper grocery bag on the kitchen table. "I went to the market and got us some produce."

He smiled tentatively at me. I flinched slightly at the mention of "us". I knew he meant for us to share, but his words always seemed to imply that we were one – something I was not entirely comfortable with yet.

"Great," I said, completely lacking in enthusiasm. It wasn't that I didn't care. And I tried to be as happy as I could, I really did. It was just so hard to not constantly think about all that had been lost.

And now, I felt like I was in this completely different world – District 12 was nothing as it had once been. There were functioning – and legal – markets. Workers in the mine earned a fair wage, and living conditions had been drastically improved because of this. They could afford to go to the markets and buy items to take care of their families. Safety in the mines had also been drastically improved.

There were other jobs, too. The Capitol, for example, now hired Peacekeepers from each district – although their job descriptions varied greatly from their original purpose.

"Anything in particular you'd like to do today?" Peeta asked, coolly ignoring my usual moodiness. He unpacked the produce he'd purchased – potatoes, carrots, strawberries, asparagus, and my favourite – blackberries. No doubt most of it had been imported from District 11.

"No," I said, looking out the window. The sun was deceiving – I could tell it was cold out. The tops of Peeta's ears were pink, and his eyes watered a little as he adjusted to the heat from the roaring fireplace.

"Well," he began, washing his hands after he finished. "I was talking to Haymitch, and he suggested we might stop by later."

"Maybe," I replied. In reality, I just wanted to crawl back into bed, and wasn't quite sure why I had gotten out of it in the first place.

Peeta walked over to me, taking my hand and pulling me out of the chair. He wrapped his arms around my waist, and mine went to his neck. He pulled me in closely. He smelled of a mixture of fresh bread and soap, and I inhaled deeply. I closed my eyes and let myself relish the daily moment where I could forget everything for only a fleeting second. He had hugged me the same way each morning since we had returned from the Capitol. It was comforting, but it also felt as though he wanted to ensure I wouldn't disintegrate before his eyes.

"Come on," he said, pulling away and taking my hand. "Let's go get you ready and we can do something today."

I sighed and followed him upstairs reluctantly.


	2. Scars

**A/N – **thank you for the reviews! I hope more people will review as the story progresses. Please let me know what you think

**Swing Life Away - Chapter 2 - Scars  
**

"_I'll show you mine, if you show me yours first. Let's compare scars… I'll tell you who's in worse." _

How could Peeta survive?

It was a question I asked myself over and over again. He survived the war. He survived being captured and tortured by the Capitol. He survived my rejections over, and over again. He survived losing his family. He survived losing everything he ever had, and had ever known.

So now, here we are, having both lost so much, and he is the one that keeps me going. He comforts me at night. He holds me while I cry. He doesn't ask questions – he just makes sure that I am OK. That I survive. He's not just surviving himself – he's surviving on my behalf.

I can't help but think, however, that Peeta has lost more than I. My father & sister are gone. I've lost friends, countless friends. But Peeta's whole family is gone.

In the very least, I still have my mother, in a far away district. She sent letters & cards, packages with medicine, small gifts. She had come to visit once, as well, but it proved to be too much and she had to leave almost as quickly as she'd arrived. And though we didn't see much of each other, I have Gale.

Peeta has no one. And yet he survives.

After we left Peeta's house, we wandered into town. A few people were out & about, exchanging pleasantries. The ashes had long ago been cleaned up and the town was starting to form a semblance of what it had once been.

"I have a surprise for you," Peeta said, entwining his fingers with mine and pulled me gently towards the west end of the town square. I briefly squeezed my eyes shut at the mental image of Gale, hanging in the square and being beaten by the new Head Peacekeeper before the Quarter Quell.

We walked for a few minutes before we stopped in front of what looked like an abandoned storefront. I think it used to be a bank, but the memories of what this town used to be were so washed out to me that I couldn't be quite sure.

The windows in the storefront looked new. There was paper hanging in them, blocking from me seeing what was inside. The door had recently been painted – a very delicate mint green.

"What do you think?" Peeta asked, smiling hesitantly at me.

I stared blankly at him for a moment. What exactly was he seeking my opinion of?

"Well, it's a great shade of green…" I said, reaching out and touching the brass doorknob gently.

He chuckled deeply, and I looked at him, unsure if he was going insane, or if I was just completely missing something. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a golden skeleton key. He put his hands on my hips and pushed me gently aside, sliding the skeleton key into the door and turning.

The door swung open with a creak and he stepped back, gesturing for me to enter.

The inside of the building was even less exciting than the outside. It was scant, except for a few heavy looking wooden tables, and some wooden chairs. The furniture was coated in a thick layer of dust that danced in the small stream of sunshine that flooded through a slit in the paper on the windows.

I glanced at Peeta. He was still beaming from ear-to-ear.

"I bought it," he said finally.

"Oh…" I exhaled, finally understanding. Or did I? What did Peeta want with an empty abandoned storefront?

"I have a proposal for you," he continued. "And before you run away, don't worry, it's not a marriage proposal."

I smiled and rolled my eyes slightly at him. At least he could joke.

"Well," I said after a moment's silence. "What is it then?"

"I was thinking that we could work together on a project. We could clean this place up – I've done the outside, but the inside is where the real work is – and then we could open a bakery."

"I can't bake, Peeta," I raised my eyebrow at him. He was well aware of this.

"I know that. So when I started thinking about that, I realized that wouldn't it be very convenient for customers to be able to buy their bread and their game in the same shop… and since this place has so much space, and you are quite good at hunting, well perhaps I have an idea we could work with."

He wasn't smiling anymore – he was looking at me, his brow furrowed, awaiting my reaction – or more importantly, my answer.

"Hmmm," I said, sauntering over to the table and drawing a finger across the top. I blew the dust off of it and watched it disperse throughout the room. "I suppose that's an arrangement I might be amenable to."

Within milliseconds, Peeta was at my side, his arms thrown around my shoulders, pulling my body into his.

"Katniss, I'm so happy. It's going to be great. Won't it be nice to have something to work on together? We can start by cleaning up the place, and then go from there!"

I hugged him back lightly. "I'm looking forward to it," I said, much less enthusiastically than he. Just the thought of all the work ahead of us was exhausting me.

"Peeta – do you think maybe you could take me home now? I am a bit overwhelmed, is all…"

"Of course," he said, kissing my forehead before taking my hand again. He locked the door behind us as we left – as if there was anything worth stealing in the shop.

* * *

I took a deep breath and splashed cool water on my face. I brushed my hair, and braided it back. I took my time brushing my teeth, and cut my nails carefully. When I was done, I stepped back, taking in my image in the mirror. I barely recognized myself.

I could see the scars across the upper part of my body and I instinctively looked away. I forced myself to examine them more closely, tracing their outline with my index finger. I only stopped when I heard Peeta call for me.

"Supper's ready," he said, as I stepped out of the bathroom, wrapped in a robe.

"Okay, I'm just going to dress," I said, and he went back downstairs. I put on a pair of plain black pants and a green shirt – almost identical in color to that of the door on the shop.

Peeta set a plate in front of me – venison, potatoes, carrots, asparagus and fresh bread with butter. It smelled delicious, but a deep inhale made my stomach churn with guilt. It was the same feeling I had every time something enjoyable was before me - the feeling that I didn't deserve to be enjoying such a luxury when so many others were not, on account of my actions.

We ate in relative silence, Peeta only telling me a few short quips about people he had run into this morning. I finished eating about a third of the meal and pushed the plate away. I wasn't going to let myself enjoy all of it.

"How do you do it, Peeta?" I asked, interrupting his story about a chance encounter with Greasy Sae.

"Do what?" he asked, somewhat bewildered at the question.

"Survive," I said, staring intently at him. I pushed my chair back and made my way around the table to him. He stared at me incredulously from his seat as I towered over him.

"What is the other option, Katniss?" he asked softly.

I reached out and took his arm, turning it over so that his palm was face up. I slid my index finger over the long scar that ran from the inside of his elbow to his wrist bone. I stared at it. Peeta didn't move.

I pulled my sleeve up, and showed him the similar scar along my own forearm. He reached out, sliding his own hand gently along it, making my skin tingle. He stood up, and brought my palm to his lips, kissing it gently.

Tears began to roll down my cheeks, but I didn't care that the sobs were coming. He folded his arms around me instinctively as I collapsed onto the floor in the kitchen, taking him down with me. He held me tightly as I rocked back and forth.

"How can you live with these scars, Peeta? Your whole family is gone. Everything you ever knew is gone. And yet you survive. I am the lucky one here, I still have my mother, I still have Gale. You have nothing," I sobbed, my face buried into his shoulder.

"Katniss," he said softly. "I have you. I have all that I will ever need in you."

I hadn't expected that response. I knew that Peeta loved me. But was he really okay with all that had happened because he still had me? And did he even really have me? I still didn't know the answer to that.

We sat in silence for a long time, Peeta smoothing my hair and rocking me gently. After what seemed like an eternity, I pulled away from him, my eyes connecting with his for the first time that day. I stared at him; I couldn't tear myself away. I wanted to memorize everything about him.

A panic began to rise in my chest at the thought of losing him, too. I ran my hands through his blonde hair, taking in how it felt. I memorized every freckle on his face, the way his eyes looked sadly at me, and the small wrinkles around his eyes when he frowned. And then when I was certain I had memorized every bit of his appearance, I knew that I wanted to memorize another part of him, and I hungrily pressed my lips to his.


	3. Our Own Words

**A/N **– Hi all, thanks for reading. I'm happy to see that some have favorited & subscribed to this story. If you can please please leave me comments, it really helps. I really look forward to reading them, and they motivate me to keep writing. This is a bit of a shorter chapter, but hopefully you still like it. Thanks so much!

**Swing Life Away – Chapter 3 – Our Own Words**

"_Let's unwrite these pages, and replace them with our own words."_

I finally answered on a cold dreary afternoon. Dr. Aurelius had been calling me for months, lying to the Capitol that I was being treated by phone. It was not a great first phone call, to say the least. Most of the doctor's questions were met with little reply on my side.

"Have you been seeing much of Peeta?" the doctor questioned.

In inhaled slowly. What business was it of his how much time I spent with Peeta?

"We are neighbors," I replied coolly. I sat at the kitchen table, tracing shapes across the top of it with my finger.

"Just neighbors?" the doctor continued.

As if on cue, the front door opened and Peeta stepped in, shaking snow from his hair and rubbing his hands together to warm them. He glanced skeptically at me on the telephone, no doubt wondering whom I might be talking to.

"Listen, Dr. Aurelius, I actually have to run. I have an appointment in town this afternoon, and I haven't even dressed yet…" I desperately wanted to get off the phone. Peeta's jaw nearly dropped open at the doctor's name on my lips.

"Katniss, please answer the phone when I call from now on. I can no longer pretend to be treating you!" I hung up as soon as the words had left his mouth.

"Dr. Aurelius?" Peeta asked, raising an eyebrow at me. "What made you finally answer the phone?"

I shrugged. "Suppose I couldn't avoid him for the rest of my life," I replied, standing up from the table. He made his way into the living room and sat on the sofa in front of the fire. I sat down next to him, curling my body into his side and tucking my feet up underneath me.

"It's freezing out there," he said, changing the subject, for which I was grateful. "A few of the folks in town have had their pipes freeze up – they can't get any water."

"Oh no," I responded. I should care more. I should be worried for those folks, thinking about how I can fix their pipes, or help them. But instead, all I can think about are the ghosts of my past. Cinna. Prim. My father. Madge. Their images are dancing in my head as I stare blankly into the fireplace.

"What are you thinking?" Peeta asked, his hand rubbing warmth into my upper arm. He pulled me a little bit tighter to him, as though he were afraid I would take off if he didn't.

"About them… always about them." I pressed my eyes closed, and pinched the bridge of my nose. A headache was starting to form again.

"How do you remember them?" he asked quietly. I turned to him, somewhat surprised.

"What do you mean, how?" I said.

"I mean… what parts of them do you remember most? What are your favorite memories?"

I took a deep breath through my nose, trying to form a solid thought in my mind. The first person whose image formed was Cinna.

"I remember the amazing work that Cinna could do. That man was a genius. He could take a scrap of fabric and make me look like a goddess, which is a near impossible feat," I chuckled slightly. "And he truly loved what he did. Even though he was from the Capitol, he knew that he could make a difference. I just wish it hadn't cost him his life."

Peeta nodded, giving my shoulder an encouraging squeeze.

"And Darius… I remember how he was always joking with me, always trying to get a rise out of Gale when we were at the hob. I swear Gale wanted to hurt him every time we were there,

"My father, I remember most of all his songs, and how he was always trying to teach me new things. From hunting, to herbs to songs… he always wanted me to be learning. He's the one who taught me the Valley song, you know – the one I sang in kindergarten – the one you liked," I smiled softly at him and Peeta pressed a gentle kiss to my temple.

"Madge… well, she was a great friend to me… and I didn't deserve her friendship. In all of the years we knew each other, I can't think of a single nice thing that I did for her. And she was always doing nice things for me – like giving me the Mockingjay pin.

"And of course Prim," I paused, and took a deep breath. "I remember everything – as much as I can. She had nightmares after our father died. She would crawl into bed with me almost every night, and I would sing to her. The day of the reaping – I remember the terrified look in her eyes. But mostly I remember how brave she was during the war, and in District 13. In just a year she turned into a completely different person. I can only imagine the person she'd be now."

Peeta pulled me closer, rubbing my back gently. He didn't speak, but he didn't have to. We just sat there for a long while in silence. I wanted to ask about his family, and his friends, but I couldn't overcome the thick knot in my throat.

"I just don't want them to be forgotten, Peeta. I want everyone to know what was sacrificed for our freedom."

"Maybe we should write it down, then," he said somberly. I glanced at him – what a wonderful idea. "That way, they'll be remembered for the important things. For their bravery, their kindness… we can teach people about them in our own words."

I leaned up, pressing my lips softly to his. "That's a beautiful idea," I said as I pulled away. "Thank you."

We spent the rest of the evening tangled together on the sofa – both of us lost in thoughts of our loved ones and what we could do to ensure their memories stayed with us.


End file.
